"Supporting a Friend with Anxiety: Are You Helping or Harming?"
By Jennifer McGregor, Guest Blogger
Anxiety can be a very difficult illness to understand. It varies so widely with each individual that even if you experience it yourself, you may not understand someone else’s situation.
When you spend time with an anxious person, you may be a little unsure how you can help or make things easier on them. Should you convince them to do something they’re not sure about? Should you listen to what they say, but back off and accept their decision when they decline an invitation? Supporting an anxious friend can be confusing. Here are a few tips on spending time with an anxious friend.
Don’t Be Offended When They Cancel
Sometimes a person struggling with anxiety will plan an event or a meeting far in advance. By the time it arrives, they have had so much time to dread it that it is the last thing they want to do. This may result in a last-minute cancellation. It can seem as though this behavior is saying that they do not want to spend time with you, that they don’t care about your feelings, or that they’re just flaking for no good reason. However, in reality, they are most likely at home, panicking that they made you upset but being unable to force themselves to go out.
Be understanding. Let them know that it’s okay and that you’ll see them next time they’re available. It is important that you let them know that you aren’t angry, that you don’t hate them, and that you are willing to reschedule.
Don’t Pressure Them
Sometimes certain locations or activities will seem harmless to you but trigger anxiety in your friend. It’s okay to double check that they are definitely not willing to go or participate but continuing to push them into an uncomfortable situation will do nothing more than drive them away. Even if you can’t understand why they’re anxious, you need to respect their feelings. What seems like nothing to you is a big deal to them, and their feelings remain valid even if the reason seems nonsensical.
It can also be beneficial to learn what activities cause them anxiety and to avoid inviting them. Having to turn you down over and over again can be a cause of anxiety in itself. Respect that they do not enjoy certain activities, and don’t make them feel guilty for refusing to go. Instead, you can always say, “You’re welcome to come if you decide you want to go.” This will allow them to feel included yet eliminates the need for them to refuse. Instead, they can be comfortable about their decision not to attend.
Perform Small Tasks To Help Others Facing Anxiety
For some people with anxiety, the most difficult part of their day is ordering food at a restaurant or talking to someone on the phone. Forcing them to do these things themselves will not desensitize them; it will only make their day harder. Instead, do some of these things for them. Give the waiter both orders instead of making them relive the interaction for the rest of the day, dissecting it for where they may have embarrassed themselves.
Being sensitive enough to perform anxiety-inducing tasks for your friend will make them more comfortable spending time with you, happier, and less nervous for the duration of the day. Talking on the phone for them for a few seconds is no hardship for you, but it means the world to them.
A support network is critical for people with mental illnesses. Too often, mental illness can spiral into addiction as a coping mechanism and can even lead to suicidal thoughts. Even mild anxiety can become something far more serious if the person feels isolated and misunderstood. You do not need to be a trained counselor to support an anxious friend. You simply need to be understanding.
Additional Resource: Guide to Anxiety and Sleep from Tuck.com
Jennifer McGregor is a pre-med student who loves providing reliable health and medical resources for PublicHealthLibrary.org users and others. She knows how difficult it can be to sift through the mountains of health-related information on the web. She co-created the site with a friend as a way to push reputable information on health topics to the forefront, making them easier and quicker to find.
*The links included in this article are intended to serve as an additional source of support, and are by no means meant to serve as medical or professional advice.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
By Jennifer McGregor, Guest Blogger
Anxiety can be a very difficult illness to understand. It varies so widely with each individual that even if you experience it yourself, you may not understand someone else’s situation.
When you spend time with an anxious person, you may be a little unsure how you can help or make things easier on them. Should you convince them to do something they’re not sure about? Should you listen to what they say, but back off and accept their decision when they decline an invitation? Supporting an anxious friend can be confusing. Here are a few tips on spending time with an anxious friend.
Don’t Be Offended When They Cancel
Sometimes a person struggling with anxiety will plan an event or a meeting far in advance. By the time it arrives, they have had so much time to dread it that it is the last thing they want to do. This may result in a last-minute cancellation. It can seem as though this behavior is saying that they do not want to spend time with you, that they don’t care about your feelings, or that they’re just flaking for no good reason. However, in reality, they are most likely at home, panicking that they made you upset but being unable to force themselves to go out.
Be understanding. Let them know that it’s okay and that you’ll see them next time they’re available. It is important that you let them know that you aren’t angry, that you don’t hate them, and that you are willing to reschedule.
Don’t Pressure Them
Sometimes certain locations or activities will seem harmless to you but trigger anxiety in your friend. It’s okay to double check that they are definitely not willing to go or participate but continuing to push them into an uncomfortable situation will do nothing more than drive them away. Even if you can’t understand why they’re anxious, you need to respect their feelings. What seems like nothing to you is a big deal to them, and their feelings remain valid even if the reason seems nonsensical.
It can also be beneficial to learn what activities cause them anxiety and to avoid inviting them. Having to turn you down over and over again can be a cause of anxiety in itself. Respect that they do not enjoy certain activities, and don’t make them feel guilty for refusing to go. Instead, you can always say, “You’re welcome to come if you decide you want to go.” This will allow them to feel included yet eliminates the need for them to refuse. Instead, they can be comfortable about their decision not to attend.
Perform Small Tasks To Help Others Facing Anxiety
For some people with anxiety, the most difficult part of their day is ordering food at a restaurant or talking to someone on the phone. Forcing them to do these things themselves will not desensitize them; it will only make their day harder. Instead, do some of these things for them. Give the waiter both orders instead of making them relive the interaction for the rest of the day, dissecting it for where they may have embarrassed themselves.
Being sensitive enough to perform anxiety-inducing tasks for your friend will make them more comfortable spending time with you, happier, and less nervous for the duration of the day. Talking on the phone for them for a few seconds is no hardship for you, but it means the world to them.
A support network is critical for people with mental illnesses. Too often, mental illness can spiral into addiction as a coping mechanism and can even lead to suicidal thoughts. Even mild anxiety can become something far more serious if the person feels isolated and misunderstood. You do not need to be a trained counselor to support an anxious friend. You simply need to be understanding.
Additional Resource: Guide to Anxiety and Sleep from Tuck.com
Jennifer McGregor is a pre-med student who loves providing reliable health and medical resources for PublicHealthLibrary.org users and others. She knows how difficult it can be to sift through the mountains of health-related information on the web. She co-created the site with a friend as a way to push reputable information on health topics to the forefront, making them easier and quicker to find.
*The links included in this article are intended to serve as an additional source of support, and are by no means meant to serve as medical or professional advice.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
