"My Advice to Siblings (and Other Family Members) Who Are Mourning During the Holiday Season"
By Avery Piefer
December 25, 2016, the second Christmas my family is celebrating without my brother Logan. He passed away peacefully on March 15, 2015. After Logan died, as our family mourned, I expected the hardest days for our family to be Logan's birthday and the day he passed away. I was right, in some sense, but I totally was unprepared for big family holidays like Christmas. The first Christmas we celebrated without him seemed to sneak up on me, I was sad, but I celebrated with my family, I smiled, and waited to mourn until we visited Logan's grave. My mother made pillows out of Logan's old sweatshirts and gave them out to our family members. She also sewed ornaments that looked just like his favorite toy: "blue doggy" and handed those out as well. We had a miniature purple tree where we hang all of Logan's ornaments right next to our real tree. We were mourning, but happy, filled with the memories of previous Christmases with Logan.
Now, a year later, the small purple tree is back, along with the blue doggy ornaments. My "Logan Pillow" is on my bed. The only differences between last Christmas and this one for me are my emotions. It's been over a year and a half, and I have finally let all of the grief hit me. It all happened about a month ago, I started looking at old Christmas pictures. I upset myself so much, dreading the arrival of Christmas. Whenever I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would claim I didn't know, because I knew that seeing my brother again wasn't an option, and that maybe, just maybe if I put off answering, Christmas wouldn't come as soon. When I was supposed to be asleep, I'd be up, looking at old pictures of Logan on my mom's Facebook page and sobbing. I was a wreck, getting only a few hours of sleep per week and blaming arm pain (My arm is broken) when that only covered half of the reason. I made myself feel completely sick with grief and depression. I realized how much I hated the holiday season. I became unbearable, yelling at people for no reason, and then locking myself in my room for hours. I kept doing this for about a month, leaving myself miserable.
As I write all of these emotions down, I have finally figured out the one thing I want for Christmas, to be happy, and the only person who can give me that gift is myself. So my advice to all siblings and other family members going through a loss during a holiday: Don't leave yourself miserable over the holidays, that's not what your loved one wants, and that's definitely not something that you want. Go ahead, mourn the loss of that loved one, but do it in a positive way. You have millions of great memories to relive. Cherish them.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
By Avery Piefer
December 25, 2016, the second Christmas my family is celebrating without my brother Logan. He passed away peacefully on March 15, 2015. After Logan died, as our family mourned, I expected the hardest days for our family to be Logan's birthday and the day he passed away. I was right, in some sense, but I totally was unprepared for big family holidays like Christmas. The first Christmas we celebrated without him seemed to sneak up on me, I was sad, but I celebrated with my family, I smiled, and waited to mourn until we visited Logan's grave. My mother made pillows out of Logan's old sweatshirts and gave them out to our family members. She also sewed ornaments that looked just like his favorite toy: "blue doggy" and handed those out as well. We had a miniature purple tree where we hang all of Logan's ornaments right next to our real tree. We were mourning, but happy, filled with the memories of previous Christmases with Logan.
Now, a year later, the small purple tree is back, along with the blue doggy ornaments. My "Logan Pillow" is on my bed. The only differences between last Christmas and this one for me are my emotions. It's been over a year and a half, and I have finally let all of the grief hit me. It all happened about a month ago, I started looking at old Christmas pictures. I upset myself so much, dreading the arrival of Christmas. Whenever I was asked what I wanted for Christmas I would claim I didn't know, because I knew that seeing my brother again wasn't an option, and that maybe, just maybe if I put off answering, Christmas wouldn't come as soon. When I was supposed to be asleep, I'd be up, looking at old pictures of Logan on my mom's Facebook page and sobbing. I was a wreck, getting only a few hours of sleep per week and blaming arm pain (My arm is broken) when that only covered half of the reason. I made myself feel completely sick with grief and depression. I realized how much I hated the holiday season. I became unbearable, yelling at people for no reason, and then locking myself in my room for hours. I kept doing this for about a month, leaving myself miserable.
As I write all of these emotions down, I have finally figured out the one thing I want for Christmas, to be happy, and the only person who can give me that gift is myself. So my advice to all siblings and other family members going through a loss during a holiday: Don't leave yourself miserable over the holidays, that's not what your loved one wants, and that's definitely not something that you want. Go ahead, mourn the loss of that loved one, but do it in a positive way. You have millions of great memories to relive. Cherish them.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.