
"Dealing With Your Sibling’s Disability"
By Hafsa Hamid
My older brother has autism and bipolar disorder. Growing up I always thought of my brother as my role model and he was perfect to me. There were some things that were a bit confusing, like how he always needed more attention and care from my parents or why he would never play with me. The thing with having an older sibling is that you know about their disability even before you can fully understand it. I knew it wasn’t normal for his mood to fluctuate so rapidly and for him to shut down in public situations but I assumed that’s just how it was. As you get older there are certain responsibilities you take on and there is a certain way you are supposed to act. This rule does not apply to our siblings and as they get older they begin to set themselves apart. Dealing with the troublesome teenage years is difficult enough on its own but for my brother it was that x10. His ‘episodes’ became that much more destructive and he became more reclusive. That’s when I realized my brother isn’t like everyone else’s brother. He never showed how much he cared for me like other brothers do and he would never go outside. Of course that caused me to resent him but I also felt sorry for him because even though I’m growing up, at some point I left my brother behind. We become the older sibling without realizing. Our parents start expecting us to take care of our siblings in their absence and we help them with their issues.
Whilst all our situations are unique, the experiences we share are very similar. There is one thing we all need to accept at some point: we can’t change our siblings. No amount of anger or denial will magically make my brother’s disability disappear nor will it change things in any way. He probably will never lead a normal life and he’ll always need his younger sister to take care of him but that doesn’t necessarily have to be such a hard thing.
One thing we can all do is try to understand our siblings better. We know how our sibling’s act and we can notice the patterns in their behavior but what we really need to understand is why they behave the way they do. Reading about the disability helps you realize what’s going on inside them and once you do that you can sympathize with them. Suddenly their behavior really does not seem that irrational at all.
The relationship we have with our siblings is not like a normal sibling relationship but that is why it is more special. We should cherish it but at the same time our siblings should not feel like a burden to us. You still have a life outside of your home over which you have control and in which you can do things you like. An extra responsibility should not be the focus of your life because at the end you are still your own person.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
By Hafsa Hamid
My older brother has autism and bipolar disorder. Growing up I always thought of my brother as my role model and he was perfect to me. There were some things that were a bit confusing, like how he always needed more attention and care from my parents or why he would never play with me. The thing with having an older sibling is that you know about their disability even before you can fully understand it. I knew it wasn’t normal for his mood to fluctuate so rapidly and for him to shut down in public situations but I assumed that’s just how it was. As you get older there are certain responsibilities you take on and there is a certain way you are supposed to act. This rule does not apply to our siblings and as they get older they begin to set themselves apart. Dealing with the troublesome teenage years is difficult enough on its own but for my brother it was that x10. His ‘episodes’ became that much more destructive and he became more reclusive. That’s when I realized my brother isn’t like everyone else’s brother. He never showed how much he cared for me like other brothers do and he would never go outside. Of course that caused me to resent him but I also felt sorry for him because even though I’m growing up, at some point I left my brother behind. We become the older sibling without realizing. Our parents start expecting us to take care of our siblings in their absence and we help them with their issues.
Whilst all our situations are unique, the experiences we share are very similar. There is one thing we all need to accept at some point: we can’t change our siblings. No amount of anger or denial will magically make my brother’s disability disappear nor will it change things in any way. He probably will never lead a normal life and he’ll always need his younger sister to take care of him but that doesn’t necessarily have to be such a hard thing.
One thing we can all do is try to understand our siblings better. We know how our sibling’s act and we can notice the patterns in their behavior but what we really need to understand is why they behave the way they do. Reading about the disability helps you realize what’s going on inside them and once you do that you can sympathize with them. Suddenly their behavior really does not seem that irrational at all.
The relationship we have with our siblings is not like a normal sibling relationship but that is why it is more special. We should cherish it but at the same time our siblings should not feel like a burden to us. You still have a life outside of your home over which you have control and in which you can do things you like. An extra responsibility should not be the focus of your life because at the end you are still your own person.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.