
"When my Brother Passed,"
By Michael Bonilla-Wier
When my brother, Frankie, passed I didn’t know how to take it or handle it. It was something I was completely unprepared for. This rang especially true because I thought my brother was going to come home from the hospital and that everything was going to be alright. He was in the hospital for a non life threatening illnesses and I was under the impression that everything was alright. That is until I got a call at night from my older brother, Joe, telling me to come to the hospital immediately. At the time I was having a night out with my friends and I asked him “why?” and he said “you just need to come here now”. It was at this moment I knew what was happening. I dropped off my friends and immediately made my way to the hospital. The ride to the hospital was surreal and did not feel like I was driving there. I remember going through the nighttime fog and driving down the highway to meet my family in Chicago where they and my brother Frank were all at. Once I got to the hospital I saw all of my family and some of my relatives, all crying.
There was my brother laying on the hospital bed. I couldn’t believe it was happening and even thinking back to now, it still feels like a dream. But it was the most real thing that would ever happen to me. I saw my brother on that bed, unable to make his usual grunts or grab my hair or hold my hand or do anything he would usually do. He was being kept alive by the machines in the hospital. He was just laying there and I selfishly wished he would just do one of his trademark “Frank grunts” where he would just go “dah dah dah dah dah” until his heart was content. I wished I just got to see him laugh or cry or do anything that he would do just one more time and I could kiss him on the forehead and tell him that I love him and that he is my brother and always will be.
I wished that more than anything else. I still wish I could have just one more time for me and my brother to hang out. It wouldn’t have to be anything special, in fact the simplest times were the best. I wish we could just sit on the couch and watch Spongebob or Phineas and Ferb and I would tell my brother what an awesome guy he is. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and when they finally let my brother go I was left feeling extremely depressed, confused, overwhelmed, and guilty. What was I doing when my brother was in the hospital? I was out with my friends. I should have been there more. I should have spent more time with him before he passed. I was trying to have fun and be a college student and live what I would think to be some of the best years of my life…
Still, to this day, it is hard for me to overlook this. I know if Frank is looking down on me, he would tell me that it’s alright and that I was a good brother and to enjoy my life. Sometimes I wish I could believe this and just forgive myself. It is not easy. Three years later and I am still learning to cope with all my feelings. However, I have become a stronger person and am still very grateful for having had Frank in my life. I lead a life that not many people can say they have and got to spend a lot of time with a person who was an angel on earth. For that I think I am one of the luckiest men alive.
Siblings with a Mission is an international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
By Michael Bonilla-Wier
When my brother, Frankie, passed I didn’t know how to take it or handle it. It was something I was completely unprepared for. This rang especially true because I thought my brother was going to come home from the hospital and that everything was going to be alright. He was in the hospital for a non life threatening illnesses and I was under the impression that everything was alright. That is until I got a call at night from my older brother, Joe, telling me to come to the hospital immediately. At the time I was having a night out with my friends and I asked him “why?” and he said “you just need to come here now”. It was at this moment I knew what was happening. I dropped off my friends and immediately made my way to the hospital. The ride to the hospital was surreal and did not feel like I was driving there. I remember going through the nighttime fog and driving down the highway to meet my family in Chicago where they and my brother Frank were all at. Once I got to the hospital I saw all of my family and some of my relatives, all crying.
There was my brother laying on the hospital bed. I couldn’t believe it was happening and even thinking back to now, it still feels like a dream. But it was the most real thing that would ever happen to me. I saw my brother on that bed, unable to make his usual grunts or grab my hair or hold my hand or do anything he would usually do. He was being kept alive by the machines in the hospital. He was just laying there and I selfishly wished he would just do one of his trademark “Frank grunts” where he would just go “dah dah dah dah dah” until his heart was content. I wished I just got to see him laugh or cry or do anything that he would do just one more time and I could kiss him on the forehead and tell him that I love him and that he is my brother and always will be.
I wished that more than anything else. I still wish I could have just one more time for me and my brother to hang out. It wouldn’t have to be anything special, in fact the simplest times were the best. I wish we could just sit on the couch and watch Spongebob or Phineas and Ferb and I would tell my brother what an awesome guy he is. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and when they finally let my brother go I was left feeling extremely depressed, confused, overwhelmed, and guilty. What was I doing when my brother was in the hospital? I was out with my friends. I should have been there more. I should have spent more time with him before he passed. I was trying to have fun and be a college student and live what I would think to be some of the best years of my life…
Still, to this day, it is hard for me to overlook this. I know if Frank is looking down on me, he would tell me that it’s alright and that I was a good brother and to enjoy my life. Sometimes I wish I could believe this and just forgive myself. It is not easy. Three years later and I am still learning to cope with all my feelings. However, I have become a stronger person and am still very grateful for having had Frank in my life. I lead a life that not many people can say they have and got to spend a lot of time with a person who was an angel on earth. For that I think I am one of the luckiest men alive.
Siblings with a Mission is an international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for education purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.