"Remembering the Day My Whole World Changed"
By Perri Bryan, Chairman of the MPS Group
In my journey with my brother, I have experienced every type of emotion possible. We have so many funny stories and silly moments. We had times of being angry and upset, and we had times where we had no other option but to cry and be sad. That time for me arrived when I came home and both of my parents and step-mom were at my dad's house (this was not normal). They said that we needed to talk. No good conversation EVER in the history of time starts with “we need to talk.” Honestly this conversation is a little blurry to me because I’m pretty sure my mind was going a million miles an hour. But I did catch “Ray is really not doing well and we don't know if there is anything else we can do; he’s been refusing food and liquids (even his favorite sweet tea). His body is giving up on him…”
By this time I really couldn't tell you what was going through my mind… I felt like I had been hit by a bus…. over and over and over… At first, I can remember being really angry. I just kept thinking there has to be something. I’m not letting him give up. Little did I know at the time that it wasn't my brother giving up…it was his body. After my parents gave me this news, I just remember going up to my brother's room and reading to him. And I asked my dad to carry him downstairs. We needed to go on a walk together just one more time. This was the hardest walk I had ever been on; not because it was hot or allergy season but because honestly...I couldn't keep myself together. I just remember doing a lot of walking, talking, and crying. But the only thing that mattered to me was that Ray didn't care. He was enjoying our walk. Every time we would stop along the way he would grab my hand, as if to say “You're going to be okay. I'll never truly leave you.”
After that, time seemed to disappear. I’m not sure how much longer after that it was before everyone started coming over and visiting. Honestly… I hated this. I really just wanted to be selfish. I just wanted to be with my brother for every second that was left but I knew I had to share my time with him.
One night, I'm not sure what it was, something told me that I needed to stay especially close to him that night. So with a little help, I brought a mattress in and set it beside my brother’s hospital bed (as close as possible). That night it seemed like no one in the house could sleep (maybe they felt it too). I woke up out of nowhere around 2 or 3 am and that same something told me to check on him. I noticed he was just laying there...peacefully breathing so shallow it seemed to almost be nonexistent. I just remember I started screaming. My mom was close so she was there and up. But everyone else was outside and couldn't hear me upstairs. After crawling in bed with him for a minute, I knew my dad needed to be here. So I went to the stairs. It was almost as if that same something told him to come up. When Ray took his last breath, I just remember being in complete shock. I don't remember speaking… at all. I just remember the look on my dad's face. I have never seen my dad cry but that look will never leave my mind. That day I looked at my dad and saw his heart shatter into a million pieces. Ray was my daddy’s “little drummer boy”; Momma’s “sonshine”; and Momma Jewelle’s Darlin’.
Everyone was changed in someway that day. My brother had such a large influence on everyone’s life.
By Perri Bryan, Chairman of the MPS Group
In my journey with my brother, I have experienced every type of emotion possible. We have so many funny stories and silly moments. We had times of being angry and upset, and we had times where we had no other option but to cry and be sad. That time for me arrived when I came home and both of my parents and step-mom were at my dad's house (this was not normal). They said that we needed to talk. No good conversation EVER in the history of time starts with “we need to talk.” Honestly this conversation is a little blurry to me because I’m pretty sure my mind was going a million miles an hour. But I did catch “Ray is really not doing well and we don't know if there is anything else we can do; he’s been refusing food and liquids (even his favorite sweet tea). His body is giving up on him…”
By this time I really couldn't tell you what was going through my mind… I felt like I had been hit by a bus…. over and over and over… At first, I can remember being really angry. I just kept thinking there has to be something. I’m not letting him give up. Little did I know at the time that it wasn't my brother giving up…it was his body. After my parents gave me this news, I just remember going up to my brother's room and reading to him. And I asked my dad to carry him downstairs. We needed to go on a walk together just one more time. This was the hardest walk I had ever been on; not because it was hot or allergy season but because honestly...I couldn't keep myself together. I just remember doing a lot of walking, talking, and crying. But the only thing that mattered to me was that Ray didn't care. He was enjoying our walk. Every time we would stop along the way he would grab my hand, as if to say “You're going to be okay. I'll never truly leave you.”
After that, time seemed to disappear. I’m not sure how much longer after that it was before everyone started coming over and visiting. Honestly… I hated this. I really just wanted to be selfish. I just wanted to be with my brother for every second that was left but I knew I had to share my time with him.
One night, I'm not sure what it was, something told me that I needed to stay especially close to him that night. So with a little help, I brought a mattress in and set it beside my brother’s hospital bed (as close as possible). That night it seemed like no one in the house could sleep (maybe they felt it too). I woke up out of nowhere around 2 or 3 am and that same something told me to check on him. I noticed he was just laying there...peacefully breathing so shallow it seemed to almost be nonexistent. I just remember I started screaming. My mom was close so she was there and up. But everyone else was outside and couldn't hear me upstairs. After crawling in bed with him for a minute, I knew my dad needed to be here. So I went to the stairs. It was almost as if that same something told him to come up. When Ray took his last breath, I just remember being in complete shock. I don't remember speaking… at all. I just remember the look on my dad's face. I have never seen my dad cry but that look will never leave my mind. That day I looked at my dad and saw his heart shatter into a million pieces. Ray was my daddy’s “little drummer boy”; Momma’s “sonshine”; and Momma Jewelle’s Darlin’.
Everyone was changed in someway that day. My brother had such a large influence on everyone’s life.
Picture: Perri and her brother, Ray
