"Embracing Individuality When A Twin"
By Kathryn McNamara
Because my twin brother Brian, who has autism, and I grew up side by side, I found it difficult to separate from him; therefore, I never really had individuality. I am sure any twin can identify with that. I wrote this from a neurotypical twin's point of view. My brother's diagnosis was once a deniable topic for me to elaborate about, and I still find it quite puzzling, despite our inspirational bond, I never actually had individuality.
Even though my brother's autism shaped my character, I admit I struggled with it. I always reinvented myself as a coping mechanism. More so, when my brother moved away I faced more confusion than prior. Separation anxiety from him always was an issue, yet it escalated greatly. I felt more unsure of who I was. I was never happy with who I was after that, whether it be achievements, fitting in, and even many drastic changes such as my numerous hair color changes, piercings, and even tattoos. I changed my image for self expression, yet still was faced with these ultimate questions: Who am I? Why am I never happy with myself anymore? I still remain unhappy with myself at times.
I often wonder why I experience more difficulty with separation from my brother and no matter what I think he does not even notice. I face so much hurt and rejection. Brian has more individuality and freedom than me. It feels as if his autism makes him free.
I hope to one day discover who I am and mature from this phase. Until then I blossom and plan to conquer this. Until then, I am still incomplete. Incomplete, empty, and lonely. There are days I look in the mirror and still do not see Katie yet.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for educational purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
By Kathryn McNamara
Because my twin brother Brian, who has autism, and I grew up side by side, I found it difficult to separate from him; therefore, I never really had individuality. I am sure any twin can identify with that. I wrote this from a neurotypical twin's point of view. My brother's diagnosis was once a deniable topic for me to elaborate about, and I still find it quite puzzling, despite our inspirational bond, I never actually had individuality.
Even though my brother's autism shaped my character, I admit I struggled with it. I always reinvented myself as a coping mechanism. More so, when my brother moved away I faced more confusion than prior. Separation anxiety from him always was an issue, yet it escalated greatly. I felt more unsure of who I was. I was never happy with who I was after that, whether it be achievements, fitting in, and even many drastic changes such as my numerous hair color changes, piercings, and even tattoos. I changed my image for self expression, yet still was faced with these ultimate questions: Who am I? Why am I never happy with myself anymore? I still remain unhappy with myself at times.
I often wonder why I experience more difficulty with separation from my brother and no matter what I think he does not even notice. I face so much hurt and rejection. Brian has more individuality and freedom than me. It feels as if his autism makes him free.
I hope to one day discover who I am and mature from this phase. Until then I blossom and plan to conquer this. Until then, I am still incomplete. Incomplete, empty, and lonely. There are days I look in the mirror and still do not see Katie yet.
Siblings with a Mission is a non-profit, international organization established to serve and support siblings of individuals with special needs. All images are found on Google images and are solely used for educational purposes. The stories and advice provided by Siblings with a Mission are not to be replaced by professional advice and counseling but to be considered as an additional source of support.
